Bear, as the elderly gent wanted to be known, immediately wrapped me around his paw, and patiently waited for me to figure out that he WAS home. The vet estimated his age as around 8 or 9, and said the dog had endured a tough life. From the moment he entered my world, Bear was my teacher, protector, guide and rock.

On a trip to Petsmart one time, a young woman confined to a wheelchair saw us come walking in, and her face lit up. Although she couldn’t speak, it was obvious she wanted to connect with Bear. My gentle giant walked up to her and rested his head on her knee. The woman shrieked in glee, and tried to pat his ebony forehead. Complete lack of muscular control turned her pats into rather hard strikes, but Bear didn’t budge – he just shut his eyes and let her hit him. Her joy brought tears to everyone watching the moving scene.

Bear usually rushed up to other dogs to lick their faces and socialize, until a particular time he stopped in his tracks when we encountered a woman with a Golden Retriever. Bear didn’t move a muscle, and the Golden walked over to him, sniffed him nose to tail, then licked his face. That was Bear’s signal to enthusiastically greet the other dog. Her owner was amazed, and said, “That’s the first time Goldie has let another dog near her since she went blind!” Bear KNEW. Gandhi Dog for sure.

Despite his huge appetite for life…and anything vaguely smelling edible…Bear was starting to slow down. A lab’s average lifespan is 12 years, and my guy was approaching 15. It was as if Bear knew I was going to need him with me through the soul-searing challenges of 2011 – a disastrous relationship, my father’s death, my mother’s terminal illness.

Bear’s hips periodically gave out on walks, and severe arthritis crippled his front legs. On occasion I’d have to lift him up stairs, or even into a standing position – no small feat with an 85-pound puppy.

In September he stopped eating for several days. When I lifted him up and took him outside to relieve himself, Bear would furiously dig “nests” under shrubs and painfully ease himself down into them. My vet said Bear was letting me know he was ready to go. Miraculously, he held in there for three more months, but by mid-December, there was no denying it was his time.

At the vet’s office, a dear friend held me while I held Bear. My beautiful boy gave a contented sigh, then gently entered into his final sleep. I sobbed all the way home, and went into the living room to pray. Suddenly I stopped crying to listen – I distinctly heard the jingle of his collar coming down the hallway towards me. I jumped up and ran to look. Of course, there was “nothing” there – but I was thrilled at this contact. Bear wasn’t done connecting just yet.

I turned to walk into the kitchen, and out of the corner of my eye I noticed something different on the refrigerator door. My fridge is my “art gallery,” with strands of magnetized beads holding up an ever changing array of cards and pictures. A beautiful sympathy card a friend sent when my little brother died a few years ago had a strand of beads circling the Native American proverb on the front: “They are not gone who live in our hearts.” Those beads had NOT been like that earlier that morning!

May your New Year be filled with the joy of knowing that love is forever, there are no barriers between realms, and nothing is too wonderful to be true.

My family has a recipe for Christmas Raisin Bread that has been in our family since the 1800s – maybe even longer. My mom learned it from her Irish grandmother, my great grandmother, and it is always baked at Christmastime and given as gifts to family, friends and neighbors as well as our mailman, milkman, hair stylists and others. As we were growing up, my mom also made it for all of our teachers, which means, with four children in my family, she was baking a lot of bread!

The smell of this bread baking always brings a smile to my face and fills me with lots of happy memories of childhood.

My family traditionally serves this bread as toast on Christmas morning (the brunch menu also includes sliced & sugared navel oranges and some of us like to dip the toast in the orange juice that is left on our plates!). We also use this bread for leftover turkey sandwiches slathered with lots of tangy Durkee’s Famous Sauce plus crisp lettuce and tart cranberry sauce.

My sister, Ann, who lives in St. Louis, also likes to use this bread to make a decadent Eggnog French Toast with eggnog from Oberweis Dairy, (which she says is the best she’s ever tasted).

While we all know how to make this bread, my mom is the official baker of the Christmas Raisin Bread. And, as her hands have lost their strength over the years, she developed a way to make the bread in a bread machine (although, she only lets the machine go as far as the dough cycle and then she takes it out to form loaves and bake in individual bread pans).

CHRISTMAS RAISIN BREAD

Source: Sudekum Family Favorites Cookbook
Yield: 6 loaves (1 pound each)

Ingredients
4 cup milk
1/2 pound lard
1 1/3 cups sugar
4 teaspoons salt
4 packages yeast*
4 eggs
5 pounds flour
1 1/2 cups raisin
* Do not use “quick-rising” or “instant” yeast

Preparation

• Heat milk in a saucepan until scalding (180° F).
• Place lard, sugar and salt in a large bowl and add scalding milk. Let cool to around 100-120° F.
• Dissolve yeast in 1/2-cup warm water and add to milk mixture. Add eggs, half of the flour and raisins. Beat the dough hard with a spoon and then add the rest of the flour. Mix well and place on a lightly floured surface. Knead dough for 10 minutes and place in a large, clean, greased bowl.
• Cover bowl with a damp towel and let dough rise for 2 hours. (NOTE: the yeast needs to stay warm while the dough is rising, so be sure to place the dough in a warm part of your kitchen.)
• After the first rise, punch dough down and let rise again for 1 hour.
• Cut dough into 6 sections. Cover sections with a damp towel and let rest for 15 minutes. Shape dough into loaves, place loaves in greased loaf pans, cover with a damp towel and let rise again.
• Bake at 350 degrees for 30-35 minutes until lightly browned.

How to Shape Dough Into Loaves
Roll dough into a 12×8-inch rectangle. Starting from the narrow edge, roll up tightly. At each turn, seal with fingertips or edge of hand. Press down on ends of loaf with sides of hand to make two, thin, sealed strips. Fold strips under loaf (or shape dough into a rectangular loaf, pulling ends together until smooth).

CHRISTMAS RAISIN BREAD FOR THE BREAD MACHINE
Yield: 2 loaves (1 pound each)

Ingredients
1 cup milk
4 tablespoons lard
1 egg
4 cups flour
1/3 plus 1/8 cups sugar
1 teaspoon salt
2 1/4 teaspoon yeast
1 cup raisins

Preparation

• Place all ingredients, except raisins, in the dough bucket of the bread machine.
• Run the dough cycle.
• When the dough cycle reaches 1:19 (1 hour, 19 minutes), add the raisins and let the dough cycle continue.
• When the dough cycle finishes, remove the dough from the bucket and divide into two sections.
• Let dough rest for 10 minutes and shape into loaves.
• Place loaves in greased loaf pans, cover with a damp towel and let rise for 1-2 hours.
• Bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes until lightly browned.

Whatever our circumstance, many of us honestly don’t know how to celebrate together. To create family traditions and celebrations, traditions that lift days away from other days, give us something to look forward to and make a formal statement that “life is full of things to be grateful for” while also adding a sense of order and stability to our families and our lives.

What is a family tradition anyway?

The candy dish that is sitting on my kitchen counter today.

A tradition is something that you do once and it feels right; and so you do it again. It’s a ritual that “lives in your heart.” And it need not be big, or heavy or religious or difficult, it just needs to be YOU.  For example, a simple little tradition that I started as my daughter was growing up was, I placed a small candy dish on the corner of my kitchen counter filled with seasonal goodies year round. At the time I did not realize I was creating a family tradition “it just felt right.” Then one day my grown daughter came over and demanded that I put the candy dish back where it belonged. I had no idea that, to my daughter, this was a family tradition and she let me know that it needs to always continue. Today, since its Christmastime, I have a special holiday dish sitting on my counter filled with tasty white chocolate peppermints… yummy.

Sudekum Family Favorites Cookbook

An old-time Christmas family tradition that I continue is the baking of the Christmas Raisin Bread, using a recipe that has been in my family since at least 1800s—maybe even longer. It’s always baked at Christmas and given as gifts to family, friends and neighbors. My family traditionally serves this bread as toast on Christmas morning and then uses it for leftover turkey sandwiches. In fact, over the years, the turkey sandwich has evolved to include the use of Durkee’s Famous Sauce, lettuce, and, yes, cranberry sauce.

Since it is the holiday season, I am going to give you some ideas but remember: Every day is special and are a good place for everyday rituals, no-reason celebrations, and just plain fun.

Hay for Jesus’ bed (a Sudekum Family Tradition) During the Holiday season, my mom would take baby Jesus’ cradle from our nativity scene and put it in the center of the kitchen table. As each of us children did a random act of kindness, we could take one piece of straw (from new broom bristles) and put it into the cradle, making sure that by Christmas day the baby Jesus had a soft bed.

Break-through Christmas Morning (from Café Traditions) When I was a kid, my parents “wrapped” the doorway to the living room so we would have to break through the wrapping paper to get into the room and see the tree (It’s kind of like a high school homecoming game when the football players break through the big paper ring).

Homemade Christmas Gifts (a Sudekum Family Tradition) As children, we were encouraged to not buy gifts but to make them, thus giving each recipient a small piece of each of us. As I grew up, so did my gift-making competence. And all my gifts, from the simple baked goods to the elaborate 3-piece suit I once made, came from my heart and were nothing less than acts of love. My gift-making ranged from baked goods, homemade candles, monogrammed hand towels, macramé plant holders, rag dolls, sock puppets, etc. And, yes, even my brother cooked, sewed and embroidered gifts.

Proof That Santa Was Here (from Café Traditions) Every couple of years since my kids were very young, I leave a small piece of ripped red velvet fabric near the fireplace on Christmas morning. It proves Santa was there and he ripped his suit on his way down the chimney.

The Annual Christmas Lights Tour (from Café Traditions) Christmas lights. Ever since my daughter was very young, we’ve planned a Christmas Lights tour for one night in December. Everyone gets their pajamas on and then we head out to see the Christmas lights in our town. I pop a couple of bags of popcorn and pack a few snacks and we drive around until everyone gets sleepy. Then we come home, brush our teeth and head up to bed. It’s so much fun, and the pajamas and late night snacks make it an extra special treat for everyone.

My advice is to forget about any stereotype you may have and forge ahead with enthusiasm and get started creating some Family Traditions and Celebrations, while also giving your family stability and a sense of belonging. Above all, remember that the object here is to have fun as well as create something special and meaningful for the people you love.

Start your own Christmas Family Traditions and Celebrations

I would love to hear some of your Family Traditions and Celebrations, so please post them.

Merry Christmas Everyone

I for one will never forget the cold winter night when that our beloved collie, Buck, died due to a “turned stomach” that was caused from giving him rich Thanksgiving dinner leftovers…and at the time we thought we were giving him a treat. Don’t make the same mistake I did and loose a beloved family member.

OKay so let’s talk turkey. Good news for Fido! ASPCA experts say a little bite of plain turkey is usually safe for pets. If you decide to share, remember: only boneless, well-cooked turkey is OK. Giving your pet undercooked or bone-in turkey, fat or gristle, or cooked bones for chewing is not OK. Some foods are totally off-limits to our furry pals.

Ten of them are especially common around the holidays. Just say no to.

1. Rich or spicy foods
2. Sage
3. Chocolate
4. Candy with xylitol
5. Bread dough
6. Batter with raw eggs
7. Onions and garlic
8. Macadamia nuts
9. Raisins and grapes
10. Alcohol

SUICIDE is a Threat

Suicidal acts are frantic attempts at improving one’s life, not ending it.
D.J. Mayo, Psychologist

In most cases, suicide is a solitary event and yet it has often far-reaching repercussions for many others. It is rather like throwing a stone into a pond; the ripples spread and spread.
Alison Werhteimer

People choose suicidal acts when they see them as the best way of ending an unbearable situation or getting the changes they desire.
World Health Organisation

Hopeless

What do we worry for?
We worry for the one making the threat

The example I use for this talk was a male, so these points are written as ‘he’, but the person at risk could also be a ‘she’. The choice of how to kill one-self is also an example and could easily be a gun or pills.

Life, Death and Safety

• We’re worried – that he’ll follow through on the threat.
• We’re worried – that he’ll feel he has backed himself into a corner and has to follow through for people to take him seriously.
• We’re worried – that he might not understand that hanging puts quick, severe pressure on your neck, spine, air and blood flow in a way that will almost definitely damage the body a brain.
• We’re worried – that he doesn’t understand how quick it is, and that hanging doesn’t leave time for people to respond or rescue, nor does it leave time for him to change his mind.

Skills, Knowledge and Thought Processes

• We’re worried – that the person’s not thinking straight about how final death really is. Deep down they’re probably acting this way because they really want some kind of change, but they’ve lost hope
• We’re worried – that he can’t think straight, because anger, jealousy, alcohol or some other drug has broken down the things that normally keep him safe from dangerous impulses
• We’re worried – that he’s not thinking of ways to soothe himself or calm himself down.
• We’re worried – that he doesn’t have the skills to look inside himself, to recognize his needs or analyze his thought processes so that he could make changes to the way he’s doing things.
• He might have a need he can’t express. He might have pain he can’t communicate. And if he can’t tell us about it, we can’t help him. And while we’re dealing with the suicide threat, energy gets diverted from dealing with the ‘deeper’ needs.

Feelings and Pain

• Underneath all this, there might be poor self-esteem. The threats might be a reaction to feeling rejected or unloved. It might be coming out of anger about confusing or unjust circumstances. It might be an attempt to reach out in the midst of loneliness.
• Maybe he’s doing this because it’s hard to find actions that seem to have any noticeable effect on the world, and this is one of the few ways he’s found to make his presence felt, and because these actions meet this need, it becomes a bit like an addiction.
• Maybe this ‘flaring up’ is indicative of really low emotional resources, feeling deeply stressed, tired or drained.
• It’s hard for us to meet these deep needs when he’s doing things that create so much distress and isolation.

powerless

• It might come from the limited thought processes of young minds and experiences: they don’t know that ‘this will pass’.
• Maybe it’s part of youth trying to cope when they have been experiencing big or fast changes on a deep level. Like those that have taken place since 9/11.
• Or changes in the way the family is run and structured.
• It might be that these people do not know how to cope if they don’t get what they want.
• Maybe it’s a sort of crazed anxiety of losing love, especially if important connections are missing or broken, and it feels like you might be in danger of losing the ones that are left.
• Perhaps the threats are violence turned inwards, then radiating out to those who are closest.

Warning Signs of Suicide

• Talking About Dying — any mention of dying, disappearing, jumping, shooting oneself, or other types of self-harm.
• Recent Loss — through death, divorce, separation, broken relationship, loss of job, money, status, self-confidence, self-esteem, loss of religious faith, loss of interest in friends, sex, hobbies, activities previously enjoyed
• Change in Personality — sad, withdrawn, irritable, anxious, tired, indecisive, apathetic
• Change in Behavior — can’t concentrate on school, work, routine tasks
• Change in Sleep Patterns — insomnia, often with early waking or over sleeping, nightmares
• Change in Eating Habits — loss of appetite and weight, or overeating
• Fear of losing control — going crazy, harming self or others
• Low self-esteem — feeling worthless, shame, overwhelming guilt, self-hatred, “everyone would be better off without me”
• No hope for the future — believing things will never get better; that nothing will ever change

Other things to watch for—suicidal impulses, statements, plans; giving away favorite things; previous suicide attempts, substance abuse, making out wills, arranging for the care of pets, extravagant spending, agitation, hyperactivity, restlessness or lethargy.

Every person can help prevent suicide

Show You Care!
Often, suicidal thinking comes from a wish to end deep psychological pain. Death seems like the only way out. But it isn’t. Acknowledge the feelings they might be having, and that it’s okay to feel those things, or perhaps acknowledge your relationship to them, and that you care about them.  Let the person know you really care. Talk about your feelings and ask about his or hers. Listen carefully to what they have to say.

• “It sounds like you’re angry (or jealous or something else), and it’s okay to be angry.”
•  “I’m worried about you, about how you feel.”
•  ”You mean a lot to me. I want to help.”
•  ”I’m here, if you need someone to talk to.”

Ask The Question
Don’t hesitate to raise the subject. Talking with young people about suicide won’t put the idea in their heads. Chances are, if you’ve observed any of the warning signs, they’re already thinking about it. Be direct in a caring, non-confrontational way. Get the conversation started.

•  “Are you thinking about suicide?”
• ”Do you really want to die?”
•  “Do you want your problems to go away?”

Challenge their Thinking
Challenge thinking is about letting them know that even though it’s okay to be feeling this way and you still care about them, it’s not okay to use the violence of threats or death that cause people so much pain. It’s also about helping them see that death won’t solve their problem

• ‘It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to kill yourself.’
• ‘I care about you, but I can’t give in to you when you act this way, so now I have to call someone here to keep you safe.’
• ‘How are you going to feel the respect and attention you’re looking for if you are dead? You’ll be gone forever.’
• ‘Do you really want to go away forever? You’ll leave a big hole of pain in your family and friends, who love you very much.’

Create Time-to-talk
The goal is to keep the person safe long enough to get to a time and place where there can be some good talking.

• Go for a drive. Take them to a place where they might calm down.
•  ‘Go for a walk or drive him ‘round the community. Only drop him back home when he’s really tired. But still watch over him.’
• ‘Take him away from the thing that was making him angry.’
• ‘Go to a coffee shop.’ (laughter)
• ‘Or the beach.’ (more laughter)
•  ‘Go to a place that’s safe for them but doesn’t facilitate their suicide fantasy, or give in to what they’re asking for.’
• ‘Sometimes the safest place might be the emergency room.’

After they calm down and get some slept, you can make connections, like with family or support workers. Then you can talk about it more.

• ‘Do something that makes him happy. Just ask them gently. You can listen to them. Get their story.’
•  ‘Remind them about their family. People they care about. You can ask them, “What are the troubles in your life?”’
• ‘Ask them simple questions. Get them to think about what they are doing. Like, “How are you feeling when you     say you want to kill yourself?” or “What are the things that make you feel this way?’
• Help them break it down, so they can see the process of when they do this, identifying emotional     states and suicidal triggers.’
•  ‘You can help them think about other things they can do when they feel this way again.’

Get Help
After the crisis has calmed down never talk of suicide as a secret, even if they ask you to. It’s better to risk a friendship than a life.
Ideas of what to say:

• “I know where we can get some help.”
• ”Let’s talk to someone who can help.”
• “I can go with you to get some help.”
• “Let’s call the crisis line, now.”

Sometimes you can be the most help by referring your friend to someone with professional skills such as:

• Someone the person already has connections with.
• Trustworthy family member. Someone the young person has respect for Support working together with the family member. “Family is important to provide support. It’s a partnership: support working with family and vice versa.”
• Someone who can help build coping mechanisms and help them talk about their strengths.
• Connect with a mental health professional or someone who can follow-up separately with the person making the threat.
•  Someone who can talk to the whole community about suicide.
• Anyone SAFE -  “Sometimes, to keep them safe, there might be no one left to call but the police.”

What NOT to say
Here are some things about what would be unhelpful to say to someone thinking about killing themselves

• ‘Go for it.’
• ‘Make my day.’
•  ‘Go ahead.’
•  ‘I dare you.’
• ‘Here’s the rope.’
• Giving them a challenge so they feel they have to prove it, like, ‘You don’t really mean it’ or ‘I don’t believe you.’
• Saying something dismissive, like, ‘It can’t be that bad’ or ‘You always say that.’
• Saying something that might make them feel more angry or alone, like, ‘Who’s it going to hurt?’ or ‘No one cares.’

Summary

Do something now: Don’t assume that they will get better without help or that they will seek help on their own.

Acknowledge your reaction: It’s natural to feel panic and shock, but take time to listen and think before you act.

Be there for them: Spend time with the person and express your care and concern.

Ask if they are thinking of suicide: Asking can sometimes be very hard but it shows that you have noticed things, been listening, that you care and that they’re not alone.

Check out their safety: If a person is considering suicide it is important to know how much they have thought about it. Do they have a plan?

Decide what to do: What you decide to do needs to take into account the safety concerns that you have. Don’t agree to keep it a secret.

Take action: The person can get help from a range of professional and supportive people
Ask for a promise: if thoughts of suicide return, it is important for the person to again reach out and tell someone.

Look after yourself: It is difficult and emotionally draining to support someone who is suicidal, especially over an extended period.

FOR IMMEDIATE HELP CALL
2-1-1 – Local Suicide Intervention
800-435-7609 – National Teen Suicide Hotline

Book for Parents
“Chasing Happiness: One Boy’s Guide to Helping Other Kids Cope with Divorce, Parental Addictions and Death” by Chase Block; Foreword by Kay Sudekum Trotter, PhD – pages 75 – 81 have great suicide advice

“Helping Your Child Cope with Depression and Suicidal Thoughts” by Tonia K. Shampoo and Philip G. Patros

A few years ago, a very clever list circulating in cyberspace was titled, “How to Maintain a Healthy level of Insanity.” One of the suggestions was to wear the biggest pair of sunglasses you own and sit in your parked car, pointing a hairdryer at passing motorists to see if they slow down.

Another one said to page yourself over the intercom, without disguising your voice.

I also really liked specifying that your drive-through order is “To Go.”

But my personal favorite was, end all your sentences with “According to the prophecy.” Although this suggestion was hysterically funny years ago, right about now it all seem kind of…wellllll…prophetic.

According to many prophecies, the end of days would be signaled with the start of a war in the cradle of civilization – or, as we now know it, Iraq.

Ten years ago on this very day, that trigger was pulled. When pilots crashed planes into the World Trade Towers in the name of Radical Islam, the US government set in motion plans to attack Iraq.

There were examples of unbelievable heroism on 9-11. The first responders – police, firefighters, paramedics – raced into the chaos that transformed New York, the Pentagon, and a field in Pennsylvania into little pieces of hell. People working or living in those areas helped each other escape, or heal body, mind and spirit in the days, weeks and years since 9-11.

Particularly burned into our consciousness from the countless reports we heard that day was what happened on United Flight 93 – Newark to San Francisco. When hijackers took over the flight, intending to slice the plane into either the White House or the Capital Building – it’s still not clear which was the target – passengers on the doomed aircraft ended up fighting back. Linked to his horrified wife through his cell phone, passenger Todd Beamer led the counterattack with the battle cry, “Let’s roll!”

The passengers managed to thwart the hijacker’s plan to make the plane a weapon of mass destruction in Washington DC, and they died heroes. They refused to just sit back and be spectators to the horrific plan being played out – they decided to make their lives count for something. They passionately fought for what they believed in, even when it seemed futile.

Their courage, the magnitude of what they prevented, and the rallying cry, “Let’s roll,” reverberate in our hearts. It’s a challenge to us to stand up for what we believe in, no matter what the odds.

A huge part of the fallout from the events of that day, one decade ago, is how easy it can be to get sucked into a lower consciousness vibration of suspicion and fear. As one Muslim cleric lamented, “The terrorists didn’t’ just hijack planes – they hijacked Islam.” At the core of Islam, which shares roots with Judaism and Christianity, are peace, love and belief in the sanctity of life. The terrorists who pulled off the events on 9-11 are no more representative of Islam than David Koresh or Warren Jeffs is representative of Christianity.

Despite racial profiling and some inflammatory political pundits on TV, a recent CBS News/New York Times poll found that 78 percent of Americans think Muslims and Arab-Americans are unfairly singled out.

I’m happy to report there are more encouraging stories of friendship and acceptance, like the one in Cordova, TN, by Memphis. Dr. Bashar Shala started building an Islamic center right across the street from the Christian Heartsong Church two years ago. The pastor, Steve Stone, put up a sign welcoming them to the community and even made his church available to his new neighbors during Ramadan, a high holy celebration in Islam, while their center was under construction. A few people left the church in protest, but the vast majority supported the show of Christ-like compassion, knowing how it helped heal lingering wounds from 9-11.

There’s the unlikely story of two mothers – one who lost a son in the collapse of the towers, and another whose son was convicted of being one of the terrorists behind the attack. When the women met, they felt an immediate bond in their shared grief. They speak at conferences about the necessity of forgiveness, and the need to squelch violence with compassion, and find common ground.

Not too long ago I had a disturbing vision, where my black lab Bear and I ended up at a strange looking house. A woman there was trying to convince me that segregation was not only OK; it was mandatory for keeping “those people” in their place. I violently disagreed with her, but before I responded, I went up in consciousness to tune in to her. I immediately saw her eyes were completely black and her skin was covered with boils – she was a demon, trying to pass for a human, and her devastating weapon of choice was to try to create suspicion and division among people on earth.

If we can be seduced to sit in judgment on those who are different races, creeds, economic status or any other fabricated criteria, we are chipping away at our humanity, our compassion, and our divine moral core. This dream vision dramatically showed me the necessity of constantly being in discernment; never willingly giving away our power and common sense to any individual or “cause.”

No matter how dark forces try to twist our words and ideas, we have free will. We can raise our consciousness as easily as taking a deep, cleansing breath – let’s do that together right now — and catapult into a higher state of awareness. Darkness is the absence of light; evil is the absence of good. Fear is the absence of faith.

By focusing on bringing more light, and good, and faith into our own life, we heal it, and we help heal the world. Each of us has limitless power to be a beacon of light and goodness, faith and compassion. It starts with discernment, and the desire to make a positive difference with our life.

This 10-year anniversary of 9-11 can and SHOULD make us think about what matters…what are you willing to stand up for, just like Todd Beamer and all those other passengers on Flight 93. What are you willing to fight for? What are you passionate about? The Dali Lama says compassion is his religion. Let’s all convert to this religion of compassion – and heal any residual energy of 9-11 by truly being the brilliant, loving, compassionate people our pets THINK we are.

In the Old Testament, which Islam embraces, the book of Micah, chapter 6, verse 6, the scripture asks, what does God want from us? Does He want burnt offerings? Thousands of rams, or rivers of fragrant oils, or what about my first-born?

The prophet answered,

“He has told you, o man, what is good:

And what does the Lord require of you

But to do justice… to love kindness…

And to walk humbly with your God.”

I challenge you to follow this simple, heart-felt instruction. From something as easy as kindly smiling at other shoppers in the grocery store to donating that coat you haven’t worn in two years, or mowing a sick neighbor’s lawn, collecting canned goods for Manna food bank, or letting someone cut in front of you in traffic – kindness and good will and compassion are not just what God WANTS us to – they’re contagious. Make a decision to do one good deed a day.

Start a “Chats for Change” circle, where you meet with like-minded people to share ideas, and build a strong spirit of community. Go to HarmonyforHumanity.org for more information on how to do that, or talk to Robert Akers if you’re finally ready to “Be the Change.”

By doing ANY of these things, not only can we heal the memory of 9-11, but we can actively help create that age of peace and goodwill that’s just around the corner — according to the prophecy.

Let’s roll!

# # #

C 2011 Jonna Rae Bartges

Take Superman, for example. Clark Kent is a timid man, but with just a whirl and his special brand of magic, he becomes the all-powerful superhero with superhuman strength and ability. When a child participating in this type of fantasy they successfully boosts themselves from the timid shy Clark Kent to the status of an all-powerful superhuman. This relieves them of their feelings of inadequacy and allows them to discharge their feelings of aggression away from those adults in their life who are in control of them, thus keeping those relationships intact. The greater the imagination, the more elaborate and disguised the fantasies are and the greater the emotional relief and resolution of conflict.

How many times have we all seen young children battling the forces of evil and wondered why does he/she enjoy this so much?

Fantasy in the form of play allows children to build a world of imaginary characters and stories that play out current emotional conflicts in such a way that the emotions are expressed and resolved on a subconscious or unconscious level. Where children rise above themselves as they play, becoming more than their average selves.

In fantasy play, children are able to use abstract and representational thinking, allowing a bowl to become a hat, an empty pot to become a steamy aromatic soup, and a pile of pillows to become a boiling lava flow. This self-guided play requires planning, regulating, and negotiating.  In short, the act of “acting” strengthens the executive functions of the brain.

You can help by

1. Creating a dressing up box and filling it with old clothes, scarves, jewellery, bags and hats that can be used for pretend play.
2. Encouraging children to share their pretend play, but without interrupting the flow of play.
3. Joining in! But let the child lead, through your responses: “Show me what you want me to do,” “What should I say?” or “What happens next?” “What happens now?” “What kind of teacher am I?” “You want me to put that on,” “Hmmm…,”

How does this help my child?

1. How your child feels about themselves will make a significant difference in their behavior.
2. As your child feels better about themselves they are able to discover their own strengths and assume greater self-responsibility as they take charge of daily life situations.
3. How your child thinks, and how they performs in school are directly related to how they feels about themselves.
4. When your child feels better about themselves, they will behave in more self-enhancing ways rather than self-defeating ways.

For most of us the new school year is just around the corner and that means many children will be off to kindergarten for the first time. BUT is your 5-year-old really ready to start school? This question needs to be taken very seriously especially since so many districts no longer have half day kindergarten only offering full day, which is a load for many young emotionally developing children.

I routinely tell my clients that if your child has a summer birthday date, DO NOT start them. This additional year will allow your child to grow: physically, socially, and to gain the emotional maturity they will need to make their first experience at “real school” fun and enjoyable setting the tone for all future years.

In addition to summer birth dates, I also recommend that if your child has difficulty staying on task, or is developmentally delayed in language or motor skills, it might be wise to give them another year of pre-school to mature and develop. Other areas that are red flags deserving a second look at starting kindergarten next year include if your child is very shy or anxious in preschool and refuse to respond to their teacher, or your son is physically small but otherwise seems ready to go to kindergarten, would his small physical stature be an issue with his peers?

Kay's first day of kindergarten, 1963

These are all tough issues, but ones that need to be examined by all parents

While many school districts rely on age as the determining factor, some educators believe that the most important aspect to determining if a child is ready for kindergarten is how much previous experience he or she has had in a preschool setting. The social aspects that children learn from preschool are invaluable. Children in preschool explore the world through play, information gained in this way becomes the basis for all areas of your child’s life. Parents may see play as just “fun”, but “play is serious work for a child”. Play helps your child acquire the tools he or she will need in kindergarten.

Here are some benefit from play

• Develop    physical    skills. Gross motor skills are developed as a child learns to reach, run, climb and balance. Fine motor skills are developed as children handle small toys.
• Develop    cognitive    concepts. Children learn to solve problems (What does this do? puzzle piece fit here?) through play. Children also learn colors, numbers, size and shapes. They have the ability to enhance their memory skills as well as their attention span. Children move on to higher levels of thought as they play in a more stimulating environment.
• Develop    language    skills. Language develops as a child plays and interacts with others. This begins with parents playing cooing games with their children and advances to practical levels such as telling make-believe stories and jokes.
• Develop    social    skills. Learning to cooperate, negotiate, take turns and play by the rules are all-important skills learned in early games. These skills grow as the child plays. As a result, children learn the roles and rules of society.

What Your Child Should Know
Schools seem to expect the children entering kindergarten to know a lot more than their parents had to when they went to school. From soup to nuts, they are expected to know certain things when they walk in the door. It’s like they need to hit the ground running, not learn it once they get in.

Some districts test children before or shortly after the school year has started, using the pre-test which screens a child’s physical development, alphabet recognition and his or her knowledge of body parts, colors and shapes. It is just one indicator of their physical and cognitive development —the basic things that a 5-year-old child should know.

If your district has a pre-admission screening and your child doesn’t do well, you should request the test be performed again. If he or she still does not perform well, ask for your child to be re-evaluated three and six months later. That way, if there are any developmental or neurological difficulties, you can get a jump on them right away by contacting a child psychologist, play therapist, and or neurologist.

Kindergarten Readiness Checklist

This checklist will give you an idea on what areas your child is doing well in, and where they may need some extra attention. It’s a good idea to do the checklist, print it out and then work with your child in the areas they need extra help. In a few weeks, do the checklist again to see how much your child has improved.

Fine Motor Skills

1. Puts a 10- to 12-piece puzzle together                                              Yes            Not Yet

2. Holds scissors correctly                                                                      Yes            Not Yet

3. Holds a pencil or crayon properly                                                     Yes            Not Yet

Gross Motor Skills

1. Runs, jumps and skips                                                                       Yes            Not Yet

2. Walks backward                                                                                  Yes            Not Yet

3. Walks up and down stairs                                                                Yes            Not Yet

Social Skills

1. Uses words instead of being physical when angry                      Yes            Not Yet

2. Speaks clearly so an adult can understand him/her                  Yes            Not Yet

3. Plays with other children                                                                 Yes            Not Yet

4. Follows simple directions                                                                Yes            Not Yet

5. Expresses feelings and needs                                                          Yes            Not Yet

6. Goes to the bathroom by him/herself                                           Yes            Not Yet

7. Waits his/her turn and shares                                                        Yes            Not Yet

8. Talks in sentences                                                                             Yes            Not Yet

9. Asks questions about things around him/her                             Yes            Not Yet

10. Enjoys having books read to him/her                                         Yes            Not Yet

11. Can tell a story about a past event                                                Yes            Not Yet

12. Says “please” and “thank you”                                                      Yes            Not Yet

13. Can spend extended periods away from Mom and Dad          Yes            Not Yet

Academic Skills

1. Recognizes shapes (square, circle, triangle, rectangle)              Yes            Not Yet

2. Can sort items by color, shape and size                                        Yes            Not Yet

3. Can identify six parts of his/her body                                           Yes            Not Yet

4. Understands concept words: up, down, in, out, behind           Yes            Not Yet

5. Counts from 1 to 10                                                                          Yes            Not Yet

6. Recognizes five colors                                                                     Yes            Not Yet

7. Tries to write his/her name                                                            Yes            Not Yet

8. Recognizes his/her written name                                                 Yes            Not Yet

Personal Information

1. Knows his/her full name                                                                Yes            Not Yet

2. Knows how old he/she is                                                               Yes            Not Yet

3. Knows his/her address and telephone number                         Yes            Not Yet

4. Knows his/her mother and father’s first names                        Yes            Not Yet

If You Do Keep Your Child Out for a Year…
So what so you do if you decide to keep your child out of kindergarten for a year? What can you do to make sure he or she is ready when September rolls around again? Getting your child involved in other activities is key, You may think you are doing him a favor by keeping him home with you, but you are not. It could be one of the worst mistakes you can make.

And don’t forget that you the parents are your child’s first and most important teacher, but a parent also needs to know the expectations of the school system their child is going into. If your district has many schools with a variety of academic programs, it is important to look into all of them in order to determine which might be the best fit for your child.

Need personalized help www.KayTrotter.com

Laura and Poppins

I loved my Dad.  We did a lot together while my mom studied to become a nurse.  He would pick me up from childcare, make my special bread so I wouldn’t be embarrassed at school (I had severe allergies), and take me fishing.  We’d watch TV together while I put lotion on his forearms where the Marine Corp tattoos had been removed.  We even had a stash of Pringles secreted away under the front seat of his VW Bug.  We were inseparable!

Unfortunately, by the time I was 7, my parents were battling their way through a not-so-nice divorce when my father, instead of taking me to school as planned, kidnapped me.  His hope was that my mother would become so distraught that she would commit suicide.  The only details I remember of the days I was in hiding are the fact that I had a stuffed Snoopy toy, and that my mother swooped in to rescue me as I was making mud pies in the backyard.  It was then that fear entered my heart.  Fear of being left, and fear of being kidnapped again.

Six years later, in 1983, my mom remarried.  We moved to a new house and I, to a new school.  Moving and attending a new school were positive experiences for me, having a step-father was not.

My step-father was a very bright man who had escaped from Hungary, a country behind the Iron Curtain, with nothing but a sandwich in his pocket and the clothes on his back.  Within 10 months of arriving in the United States, he had learned enough English at Georgetown University to be accepted into an Engineering program at the University of Wisconsin.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before it became apparent that he was dealing with severe psychological issues which he was no longer able to suppress successfully.  In 1986, he was diagnosed with depression, and Paranoid Schizophrenia, shortly before taking his own life.  His bursts of anger and the yelling that ensued were frightening.  I didn’t want to be at home, yet I felt that I needed to be home to protect my mom.  His anger was not limited to yelling – on separate occasions he pinned my mom on the floor, threw a drink at her, and disconnected the garage door openers so we couldn’t get in the house.  Another time, he accused me of slamming a door in his face.  In my minds’ eye I can still see him entering his room when I slammed the door, but that didn’t prevent him from breaking down the door and striking me across the face.  He refused to repair the shattered door frame for several months, wanting me to remember my offense, and the subsequent punishment.

It was during this time that Poppins came into my life.  She was a 26-year-old mare that had been abandoned by an owner that could no longer afford to keep her.  She had been fed, but not much else.  Each night was spent in a tiny standing stall with so much manure that she was forced to stand facing downhill.  Despite her discomfort from severe thrush and an unseasonably long coat, she was a gentle teacher who never lost her patience with my ignorance.  She gave me so much more than riding lessons.  Her gifts to me were confidence, courage, and passion.  And she had the best ear of any counselor.   I could pour out my heart to her without fear of what she thought, or that she would report back to my mom.  She wouldn’t leave me and she loved me despite all she knew about me.

Helen Thompson once said, “In riding a horse, we borrow freedom.”  There could not be a truer statement for me.  Riding was my avenue of escape and healing.  It gave me confidence, and made me feel strong, both mentally and physically.

Without Poppins, and the horses that galloped through my life after her, I would not be the person I am today.  There is not a doubt in my mind that horses kept me from the drugs, crime and promiscuity that snare so many others with similar experiences.

Poppins is the very definition of a hero!  She selflessly carried me and shared her friendship, happy only in my companionship and attention, and all despite her pain.  I didn’t know it then, but as my horse knowledge has increased, I see now that she probably suffered from Cushing’s and Chronic Laminitis.

I’ve always known that I loved Poppins, but I never realized until writing this blog just how deep her impact really was.  It has taken me several months to finish these few paragraphs…I had to stop and grieve my loss of her.  I found out this year that the owner of the barn had offered to sell her to my mom and step dad for $100, but they turned her down.  Instead, she went to a girl who thought it was a good idea to call me and brag that Poppins was no longer my friend, but hers.  I have never forgotten that call.

That call was the last I ever heard about Poppins.  I don’t know how much longer she lived, or where they might have buried her.  I wish I could kiss her sweet muzzle just one more time…

Every thought you think every word you say is an affirmation. All of our self-talk or inner dialogue is a stream of affirmations. We are continually affirming subconsciously with our words and thoughts and this flow of affirmations is creating our life experience in every moment. Our beliefs are just learned thought patterns that we have developed since childhood, many of these work well for us, but others may now be working against us, they are dysfunctional and may be sabotaging us from achieving what we believe we want.

Every affirmation we think or say is a reflection of our inner truth or beliefs. It is important to realize that many of these “inner truths” may not actually be true for us now or may be based on invalid or inappropriate impressions we constructed as children, which if examined as an adult can be exposed as inappropriate.

Why affirmations work

Positive affirmations are designed to challenge those negative beliefs and start to stem the flow of negative thoughts and words that seek to validate them. Affirmations are more than just repeating words. It is a whole process of becoming aware of your thoughts and words in everyday life, choosing to think and project happy positive thoughts. The more you can consciously inject the spirit of you affirmations into your daily thoughts and words, the quicker they will work for you.

Will Affirmations help me?

Yes. No matter what aspect of life you’re dealing with or who you are, affirmations will not only make you feel better about yourself and your life. But if used correctly, they can manifest real change in your life. Changing the way you think, reprogramming your mind and removing the old negative beliefs that have been sabotaging you again and again throughout your life. They can enable you to achieve the life you’ve always wanted for yourself!

Affirmations for Health

• Every Cell in my body vibrates with energy and health
• Loving myself heals my life. I nourish my mind, body and soul
• My body heals quickly and easily

Affirmations for Abundance

• I prosper wherever I turn and I know that I deserve prosperity of all kinds
• The more grateful I am, the more reasons I find to be grateful
• I pay my bills with love, as I know abundance flows freely through me.

Affirmations for Love

• I know that I deserve Love and accept it now
• I give out Love and it is returned to me multiplied
• I rejoice in the Love I encounter everyday

Affirmations for Romance

• I have a wonderful partner and we are both happy and at peace
• I release any desperation and allow love to find me
• I attract only healthy relationships

Affirmations for Weight Loss

• I am the perfect weight for me
• I choose to make positive healthy choices for myself
• I choose to exercise regularly

Affirmations for Self Esteem

• When I believe in myself, so do others
• I express my needs and feelings
• I am my own unique self – special, creative and wonderful
• “I am ready and willing to release the past, now

Affirmations for Peace and Harmony

• All my relationships are loving and harmonious
• I am at peace
• I trust in the process of life

Affirmations for Joy and Happiness

• Life is a joy filled with delightful surprises
• My life is a joy filled with love, fun and friendship all I need do is stop all criticism, forgive, relax and be open.
• I choose love, joy and freedom, open my heart and allow wonderful things to flow into my life.

Steps to Saying Affirmations

1. Affirmation Mirror work – Perhaps the most powerful way of using affirmations is to state them whilst looking in the mirror. Some of the most important messages you have received have been from people looking you straight in the eye. By looking yourself in the eye as you state your affirmation you magnify the importance of the message to yourself.
2. Written Affirmations – A great way of keeping your affirmation at the forefront of your mind is to write them down, leave notes or cards around so that you notice them throughout the day.
3. Say Affirmations with Passion – Say your affirmations with passion, the higher your emotional state as you say them, the more effective they are.
4. Sing or Chant Affirmations – One of the most effective ways to use affirmations is to sing them! The mind is much more accepting of affirmation messages when they are sung.

Seeking more personalized interventions www.KayTrotter.com